Ben Stovall Blog

Author: Ben Stovall

  • Reworking Tyranny of Dragons 1: Greenest

    Reworking Tyranny of Dragons 1: Greenest

    I mentioned last year that I’ve been running Tyranny of Dragons for my table. I used the module once before – back when it and 5e were in their infancy, and I was a much younger DM. I held onto a lot of lessons from running that game, and now, revisiting the module, I’ve made many changes to improve on what WOTC published.

    Because, frankly, the module is written as a pretty sloppy railroad.

    That doesn’t mean there’s not the potential for a good game in it, though.

    Improving Greenest

    As the module is written, the game opens with the party arriving while Greenest is under attack. From the road, they can see the smoke from the fires rising skyward and the blue blur of the cult’s dragon ally swooping overhead. There’s powerful imagery there, absolutely, but it also leaves a little too much to chance, doesn’t it? It wouldn’t be unreasonable for a party of level 1 adventurers to see the ongoing raid and think, This is too much for us. We’re nobodies. To assume that to intervene will end only in their own deaths – and the module is printed to begin at first level.

    I imagine WOTC hoped that this immediate, dynamic set of encounters would help onboard players into the campaign, but unless you run a really good session zero that impresses upon your players that they’ll be expected to play incredibly heroic to meet the module where it is, it leaves a lot open.

    I did two things to improve this.

    Starting on the Road

    I started with a much lower stakes first session, having our party all be part of a caravan journeying to Greenest from an undisclosed elsewhere. I left it up to each of them to decide why their characters were part of this caravan – perhaps Greenest wasn’t their final destination, perhaps they’d been following the trail of destruction left by the Cult of the Dragon as they raided Greenfields. (As part of our session zero, I encouraged the players to build PCs that would oppose the Cult of the Dragon’s activity and let them know they’d fight a fair amount of dragons throughout the campaign, inviting them to build characters with that style of encounter in mind.)

    We had a new player join the table for this campaign, so this slower start also helped them ease into character and the style of table we have. As part of this session, we had a small roadside ambush encounter and an investigation to discover that one of the travelers was a member of the Cult of the Dragon who’d drawn the guard and ambush drakes to attack the caravan. The death of an NPC guardsman ally with family in town gave them a reason to care about at least one group of potential survivors in the upcoming raid on Greenest, and delivering his belongings served enough of a quest to keep them together. (This was all emergent from the play of the first session – if I were to run this module again, I’d consider trying to lean on this further. Maybe I’d make this NPC the captain of the caravan and have them speak to the PCs individually, especially if they were not yet a group, just as mine weren’t.)

    (Also, I’d made some tweaks to the ambush drake statblock, but more on that in a later post.)

    The other major change – they leveled up from this encounter and investigation. Now at level two, they’d feel at least slightly more powerful for the incoming “dungeon.”

    Arriving at Greenest

    Map of Greenest from the module.

    Time is the most potent tool in the GM toolkit. See, I’d planned to kick off the assault on Greenest at night and I wanted the party to start in the center of town, inside the inn. However, the party was a group of particularly active characters, so I needed to ensure they stayed in Greenest overnight. Thus, After a long day of travel, just as twilight strikes the skies, you finally arrive at Greenest, exhausted and road-weary.

    I still had them propose leaving town after delivering the guardsman’s sword to his family to camp, to get that one hour of travel they could still swing based on the time of day. So, even this wasn’t perfect – but it did work.

    They ran a few errands in town, bought some supplies, and settled in at the tavern for some character RP. After a few minutes, I, despite having the information available surreptitiously, asked them outright for their passive perception scores. As they handed them in, I paused, then told the PC with the highest total that they began to hear something unusual – a slow thwump… thwump… thwump, muffled not only by the walls, but by distance. However, they were growing steadily louder: Thwump, Thwump, Thwump.

    And then, an unconscious stillness shattered against the dragon’s roar.

    The Raid on Greenest

    I opened with the blue dragon blasting a line of lightning through the town that struck the walls of the inn. Everyone in the party failed a Constitution save and were stunned as the inn trembled and lost one of its walls. They recovered after a few moments – had it been minutes, seconds? And heard the sounds of violence outside!

    In the town square, the cultists had swarmed into the market and were swiping goods from abandoned stalls and menacing townspeople. Our heroes erupted into action!

    I left many of the scenarios of the raid unchanged, though I adjusted the encounters in some areas. With all the people they rescued from the town square (including their guardsman ally’s family), they delivered them into the keep through the secret passage, then they held off against the cultists trying to breach into the fort, used the ballista to scare off the blue dragon (which required some doing! It had been in disrepair and the fighter literally braced the arms of the ballista on her back to allow the ranger to fire it), then ventured out into the town to reach the chapel of Chauntea to rescue the townspeople trapped within. (Here, I borrowed a little from Ebonskar. While the town burned, the chapel hadn’t caught fire despite the cultists’ attempts to set it ablaze.)

    And, finally, as they worked their way back to the keep with these townspeople in tow, they encountered the cult’s lieutenants: Langderosa Cyanwrath and Frida Maleer. (Yes, I changed their names from the module, I didn’t like them much.) As we’ll discuss in the next post in the series, I’d made some MAJOR changes to these characters, including ones I thought would make Cyanwrath more likely to allow the heroes to rescue the people within the chapel – though he still demanded a duel. Our melee-focused sorcerer accepted, got torn apart, and Cyanwrath held to his word (despite Frida’s jeering) and allowed them to escort the townspeople to the keep.

    However, there were many other townsfolk who did not benefit from the party’s intervention, and they were carried off to …

    The Cultist Camp

    I preserved the encounter with some lazier members of the raid lagging behind from the rest, and our party elected to steal their robes to infiltrate the camp. Within, the party was able to see the cult preparing for a mass sacrifice later in the evening – the reason they’d captured the townsfolk to begin with. There were more prisoners than just those taken from Greenest; the cult had taken some hostages from the other towns they’d raided, and it was going to take some serious finesse to rescue them all before the pyre burned.

    Luckily, they had an ally within. I made major changes to the module’s character or Leosin Erlanthar – namely, I changed him into an orc monk named Brok Stonebrow. He’s still a member of the Harpers, but one of the members of the party was his protégé, and had come to Greenest with Brok to try and infiltrate the cult.

    Surreptitiously, they met in the small caves that wind through the walls of the gulch, and they were able to work with him to devise a plan to rescue the townsfolk. This was almost entirely player-directed – I gave them the scenario, they worked it out from there. They knew they needed to handle the cultists in the watchtowers, and lead the townsfolk around the edges of the gulch to avoid the eyes of the celebrating cultists and mercenaries.

    I recognize this amount of freedom might not work with every table, but that’s the benefit of Brok / Leosin not getting himself captured. If your party needs more direction, he can give them more straightforward ideas; at a minimum, he can point their thoughts to the problems they need to solve, to save them from getting stuck on a tangent or lost in the weeds.

    The players ultimately succeeded, and this gave me another opportunity to display the cult’s ruthlessness. Rather than cut their losses, when the party later returned to investigate the Hatchery (some more on that in the next post), they discovered the cultists substituted their sacrifice of the villagers with the mercenaries who’d aided them in their assaults. Such savagery would only hint at the things to come …

    Wow! That was a long one. Before you go, I wanted to direct anyone looking for further reading right now to the subreddit dedicated to discussing this module. It certainly gave me many ideas that I’ve been using in my game.

    As always, thank you for reading! I hope this series of posts will be of use to someone – maybe even just as an example of how we might improve upon the ideas we find within the pages of a module. But, that’s certainly enough out of me; see you in the next one. Good luck out there, heroes.

  • June 2025 Irregular Update

    June 2025 Irregular Update

    So, here we are again. Look, I won’t beat around the bush. It’s been a tough year, hasn’t it? With everything going on in the world, (especially right now) it’s been hard to get into a space for writing. There’s been a lot of times this year that the only thing that could still my mind at all was this hobby I returned to in December (more on that later).

    I’d love to be showing up with great news about a project, but the truth is I don’t have anything to report on. As mentioned before, the Tide rewrite totally stalled out, and I almost got started on something else before getting entirely derailed. And not by video games this time.

    So. Let’s dig in.

    Returning Hobby?

    When I was in my teens, just after I’d been working for a while and had this sudden surplus of disposable income, my friends and I got into the nerdiest hobby on the planet: Warhammer 40k. We assembled and painted overpriced plastic miniatures and played pretend-war on the tabletop and had a blast. Some of my fondest memories are of those days – of visiting a local game store and playing all day, getting everyone some food at McDonald’s or Cici’s Pizza for cheap.

    And, my first models for Warhammer 40k were a gift from my grandma. When we started, our friend had gotten the Assault on Black Reach starter set, and two people locked in with the Space Marines and Orks. The original owner of that set settled into Eldar, and I started with the T’au Empire. We played games (not to exact specification of the rules – we never ran objectives and had little in the way of terrain), painted, and enjoyed talking about the game and lore.

    I probably hadn’t painted any models in 8 years by the time December rolled around. But, after playing some Space Marine 2 with my friends and peeking at the minis, I finally caved at bought back in, starting with the Orks – the army I’d been leaning toward switching into near the end of our original time in the hobby.

    See, as teens, we all painted our share of orks. Our friend had more bodies than he could paint himself, and we were all happy for the practice. I got pretty good at painting orks, and, honestly? I think I’ve retained that skill.

    It’s been a much needed piece of serenity these last few months, and with the friends I’ve made in my guild on Warcraft, we’ve got our own little meta forming; one guy’s playing Death Guard and Custodes, another’s on Dark Angels and he’s brought in a friend playing Votann and Chaos Knights; we’ve got players on Tyranids, Imperial Guard, and Necrons. I’ve gotten a fair few games under my belt, and I’m looking forward to trying to find some time to play in person at a local store again. (We’re all across the continent, so we’ve been playing on Tabletop Sim.)

    So, that’s been my main focus the last little while. It hasn’t entirely stamped out writing, of course. I’m still running a D&D game weekly, and I’ve been running a once-to-twice a month game for my family. And, I’ve written little bits of lore about my army of Orks and the characters therein, written up some small narrative moments from some of the battles we’ve had.

    I mean to say I’m still exercising the muscle, even if I don’t have a book to report any progress on.

    … But You Will Write Another Book, Right?

    Yes. Yes, absolutely.

    Look, there’s been times when this has been disheartening. There’s been times when I’ve questioned whether it was worthwhile to keep paying the upkeep on the site and blog – especially since I have these long stretches where I do nothing with it. But, ultimately, writing means a lot to me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care if no one read me – I want my stories to mean something to people.

    For that to happen, though, I have to write the damn things.

    So. I’d better do it then, huh?

    How’s About the Blog, then?

    Oh, yeah. So, you might’ve noticed the new digs. I’ve changed hosting services, and, after all the work I put in over the last week to set this all up, I’m going to hit myself if I keep letting this slip through my fingers.

    I get into my head about it, is the problem. I often feel like I have little to add or nothing of note to say. But this is my corner of the internet. If someone doesn’t want to hear what I have to say, they can good and damn well leave, can’t they?

    And if you’re one of the ones sticking around, thanks. Thank you for reading.

    I’ll see you again in the next one.

  • 2024: Year in Review

    2024: Year in Review

    For me, it feels like the theme of this year was that I wish I’d done more. I read fewer books than I’d planned to, I didn’t play very many new games, I scarcely watched movies or tv shows. And I certainly didn’t write as much as I’d wanted to. It’s like I stalled out after the first third of the year, but we talked about that plenty in the Irregular Update a couple weeks ago, didn’t we? Despite a relatively austere year, I had the privilege of experiencing some media that really stuck with me, grabbed me, or inspired me.

    Let’s get into it.

    Books

    I had a much easier time burning through books back when I wasn’t working from home, to be honest. Taking them in to read during my lunch break really worked out, and often left me on some interesting cliffhanger that made it easier to read some more once I got home. With my current schedule, I only have a 30 minute break for lunch, and often don’t read during that window. (Exceptions were made for Wind and Truth this month.)

    Over time, I was excited to play different video games and hopped right into them when I was done with my shift. I played a lot of Warcraft following the War Within’s launch, and other games kept drawing me back like a magnet over the year. So it goes.

    I think, when I brought a book in to the office and didn’t have something else I could be doing, it made it easier to stick with things that weren’t grabbing me in a vise-like grip. I could muddle through something I had a middling opinion of just to fill the time. Couple books this year I grit my teeth and plowed through, and it might’ve proved detrimental to my desire to keep reading through the rest of the year.

    (I just need to throw my smartphone in a box and take a book into another room to get around this.)

    Anyway.

    Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

    This was a book I read early on in the year and it ruled. I loved the intrigue, I loved Gideon and Harrow’s fraught relationship, I loved reading about space necromancers. I’m looking forward to reading more of the series in 2025, and I can’t recommend this book enough.

    The Sunlit Man by Brandon Sanderson

    I got around to the other two Secret Projects back at the start of the year. In the afterword of the Sunlit Man, Sanderson called the project a book he wrote for his fans – where Yumi and Tress had been more as gifts for his wife. I have to say, as a fan, Sunlit Man absolutely rules. It left so many questions in my head, waiting for Wind and Truth. It had a breakneck pace and excellent action. It is, without a doubt, the most cinematic cosmere novel so far. A movie could be made from this book practically one-to-one and it would rock.

    I also greatly enjoyed Yumi and the Nightmare Painter and Wind and Truth this year from Sanderson, but I wanted to specifically celebrate Sunlit Man for the ways it’s different from many cosmere novels here.

    The Blacktongue Thief by Christopher Buehlman

    This book is a lot easier to recommend than Between Two Fires. It’s a fun classic quest from the perspective of our eponymous thief as he’s taken on a march across the continent with a host of interesting characters and fun action. It was fun to read despite some grim details in the setting, and books that are just fun to read will be a balm to many in the coming years.

    Movies

    I think I went to a movie theater once this year. Whatever time I might’ve spent watching movies, I think I watched longform video essays instead – like F. D. Signifier’s many drops throughout the year, Lindsey Ellis’s nebula-exclusives, Matt Colville’s video about the Elusive Shift, and videos about movies from Patrick H. Willems. And I thoroughly enjoyed them all!

    Point is, I saw like three movies this year total, and we all know which ones I’m going to be talking about here.

    Dune: Part Two

    A cinematic achievement. An excellent adaptation. Incredible effects, an excellent story translated near-perfectly to screen. I love Dune, and I loved these movies. The way they’ve infected culture, with people jokingly calling their friends Lisan al-Gaib or Maud’dib or permutations thereof is endlessly entertaining. What more is there to say, really?

    Furiosa: A Mad Max Story

    Fury Road is one of my favorite aesthetics in modern fiction. I love the wasteland, I love the motorized bikes and buggies, and I had a blast with this film. While many bemoaned it as an unnecessary addition to the canon, when every minute of this movie is as awesome as this was, it needs no further justification.

    TV Shows

    I didn’t watch much TV either, to be honest. I had Netflix for exactly two months this year; I watched a lot of Peaky Blinders when I was running Blades in the Dark near the start of the year for inspiration, and I returned for one month specifically for the first show below (but ended up watching the second show on this list too, on the recommendation of a friend). I never got around to temporarily using Hulu to watch Shogun despite meaning to, and as much as I love Invincible, I do think it was hurt a little by splitting up the season. House of the Dragon? Woof. I hope there were some external circumstances behind that season’s ending, because that was a fine episode in a vacuum, but not as a season finale.

    Anyway, onto the good.

    Arcane Season 2

    Arcane’s final season aired a little over a month ago, and I’m still thinking about it – mostly the small moments, like those which filled the seventh episode. I remember the end of the first batch, with Ambessa’s plan revealed as the music swelled with the punctuation of the crowd beating their chests – what a moment that was. This show is so far beyond the gold-standard for animation it isn’t fair. It’s so premium in its presentation, I loved every minute.

    Delicious in Dungeon

    So, I don’t really watch anime.

    Look, it’s a personal thing, okay? It’s nothing to do with animation – three of the shows I’m mentioning here are animated. It’s … more to do with the common themes that exist in anime not being those I’m particularly interested in. Delicious in Dungeon (or Dungeon Meshi) doesn’t avoid these things, but I liked everything else about the show enough to get over them. The aesthetic of a classic D&D party delving into a megadungeon rules. The show’s got some problems with an inconsistent tone – it doesn’t want you to take it too seriously, but things keep happening that feels like they should be taken seriously. Without spoiling anything beyond the show’s very first scene – our hero Laios is fighting a huge dragon with his party when he realizes he’s so hungry he can’t fight. And it’s pretty funny – except, people are getting mauled in the background and someone gets full-on eaten.

    If any of that’s a dealbreaker, probably safe to skip this one. Otherwise, you might have a fun, zany little show to enjoy.

    The Legend of Vox Machina Season 3

    Critical Role continues to make inspired adjustments to their live streamed D&D game to make for a compelling TV show. There were some fans disappointed by the changes made to this specific leg of the campaign – from people disliking the stakes becoming more personal for our heroes, to a couple of beloved moments from the campaign not occurring as the fans expected.

    I, however, think there’s something to be gleaned from these adjustments. If you don’t want any spoilers, skip to the next section.

    So, one major criticism was the change to Grog’s delivery of “Fix him!” in the show. In the livestreamed game, Travis yells the words, shouting for Scanlan to be resurrected following his death at the hands of Raishan. In the animated series, Scanlan is unconscious after escaping certain death at Thordak’s claws, and the delivery of the line is much more subdued. There is certainly a lot of power and pathos in the original delivery – but perhaps it always felt out of place? Immediately after that shouted line, Travis speaks his next few lines in a more mundane register. Perhaps, with how much closer he and Pike have remained (with her not being absent for so much of these adventures) has developed Grog into someone who’s much more reluctant to scream at her – especially when she’s trying her best.

    The next major problem many fans had stems from the Bard’s Lament moment being skipped – at least, that’s the way it appears. There’s still certainly enough in the show to bring the moment back in season 4, but given the show’s uncertain future, they decided not to leave the team on such a bitter, tragic note. If this had been the final season, Scanlan blowing up at his friends and entirely withdrawing from the team would’ve been a rather sour note, and all of the ingredients for the moment are still there. Perhaps Scanlan will be hesitant to return to the party come season 4 – let’s give the team some grace, eh?

    Fallout

    Ella Purnell makes the list twice! This show was a good, fun romp through our favorite wasteland, and I’m looking forward to seeing more. The moment toward the end of the first or second episode where our heroine’s chipper attitude holds despite her needing to decapitate someone just really sells the whole vibe of the show.

    Video Games

    Much of my year was spent enthralled to my old staples – Warcraft and Deep Rock Galactic. I played a few new games; things I saw on the odd stream, a few anticipated titles. And I got around to getting a Nintendo Switch, more on that later.

    Balatro

    Last year, I had this long paragraph about how much gameplay matters in a roguelike game – about how if the game isn’t fun, it won’t work? Balatro has the sauce. This indie game from a solo dev blew everyone’s minds this year for good reason. Hell, it had an honest chance to win Game of the Year at the VGAs, and while I haven’t had the chance to play Astro Bot myself, I’ve heard a wealth of good things about it. Whatever LocalThunk makes next is sure to be on everyone’s radar.

    Windblown

    From the developers behind Dead Cells comes this little isometric co-op roguelite I’ve been enjoying with a friend. It’s been a blast to play, and every time I launch the game I can’t bear to skip it’s little anime intro! It’s still in early access right now, but I’m willing to stake my flag and say this will be one worth checking out.

    My Game of the Year: Tears of the Kingdom

    See, this is the benefit of being behind on some games. I get to celebrate Baldur’s Gate 3 last year, and the Legend of Zelda this year! I get to have the cake and eat it after all.

    Jokes aside, yeah. Nothing this year grabbed me half as well as Tears of the Kingdom. It was an excellent evolution of everything Breath of the Wild did, and the new tools were so fun to play around with. With some truly stellar cinematic fights and small ways the game broke the expectations it gave you, I loved every minute. Never would I have guessed how powerful a handshake could be. (If you know, you know.)

    So. That’s the year as remembered by me. Here’s hoping for some good media in 2025!

  • December 2024 Irregular Update

    December 2024 Irregular Update

    Hi.

    Yes. I know. It’s been much, much longer than I intended since the last one of these. Since the last blog post in general. I … did not mean for it to go this way. Hell, I think the only thing that’s putting a fire beneath my ass to do this now is that I have my 2024 Year in Review post ready to go and it feels like I should probably address some stuff before I do that.

    So. What the hell happened, huh? Maybe we can both figure it out after prattling on for a while.

    Where were the blog posts?

    Well, at the top of the year, I had some turmoil with D&D. Well, more correctly, holdover turmoil from our experiment with Pathfinder. The homebrew game I was running petered out. We had one player who wasn’t all that jazzed about going back to D&D and another who was losing availability for a couple of months. So, we wrapped up the dungeon we were in and called the game.

    Not something I’m unfamiliar with – I’ve been running D&D for nearly fifteen damn years at this point. I’ve had more games get canned than reach their intended conclusion. Still, this one stung. This game was practically full-on sandbox and I wanted to more or less run the game as a gift for the table, let them explore and self-direct to the extreme. I was happy to put in the extraordinary time I might need to week-to-week to set the track down right in front of the train, but it still didn’t work out. And perhaps the complete lack of direction wasn’t the right fit for the table or the characters they made, maybe it was entirely down to the external obstacles, but it stung to lose that campaign.

    After that, I ran Blades in the Dark for about three months or so with the two players who stuck around. That system was some good fun, and we enjoyed it well. It’s built incredibly well for allowing the players to have the initiative in their choices and actions – it’s the exact inverse of D&D. In the latter, the DM has a situation they present to the players and the players respond; in Blades, the players lay out a heist (called Scores) and the GM reacts to their actions. Perhaps a bit of an oversimplification, but it runs well and we had some good fun!

    Once we got to the end of our “first season” of that game, we got one of our players back and were joined by two others and we went back to D&D. I’ve been running Tyranny of Dragons since June and it’s been going well. It’s my second time using the module and I’ve made some major edits to its structure – ones I’d love to share here on the blog, but half of my table has a habit of reading this blog, so that’ll have to wait – at least until we’ve passed the moments that have been adjusted.

    (I know, I know. How can someone have a habit of reading this blog when it’s been silent basically all year. Hush.)

    Another major source for much of my RPG related-posts was playing in a friend’s game who was running the game for the first time. I had the boon of seeing someone with no experience running the game and it reminded me of many of the lessons I’ve learned over the years – and he managed to do some inspired things despite his inexperience that I wanted to praise. Unfortunately, that table also dissolved due to out-of-game circumstances (luckily after the module’s completion).

    I’ve since had the privilege of joining another game that’s run once a month run by another friend, but I had this block, this wall up, that held me off from drafting anything.

    I had some other topic ideas at the start of the year, which made me feel fired up enough back in the January Irregular update, but … well. I lost confidence in claiming that I had any worthwhile experience to actually write those posts.

    These ideas were about the steps I took for independent publishing. Problem is, it’d be delusional to say I’ve done this successfully – at least, to the degree that I feel like my experience would be valuable to someone desperately googling for advice. Regardless of the validity of that worry – it held me off from drafting those posts. So. There it is.

    And … Red Watch?

    In January, I was feeling good about my decision to rewrite the first two books, and I still think pulling them down was the right decision for me. By February, I had completed the draft of A Violent Peace, and sent it out to several folks, people who’ve previously read for me. To my knowledge, none of them ever got around to it, or got very far into it. And I do not begrudge or blame or have any negative feelings toward them; beta reading is a lot of work for no compensation – any time it’s done, it’s a favor, and I’m thankful for them all offering to begin with.

    The point is, the complete lack of engagement was disheartening. The book probably still has many problems. I think there’s some stuff within it that works well, but there’s likely far more that just isn’t working.

    I spent the next two months diving headfirst into the rewrite of A Tide of Bones. I made some excellent headway and I was really liking some of the changes I made. … But there were many more things that were proving exceptionally difficult. I had adjusted the characters a little to provide a new central tension in the first quest of the book, but those changes were … I don’t know if they were right. And I just kept struggling with more and more things; with proper POV division, with some repetitive motivations following the events in Souhal. There’s obviously too many characters, too, but I don’t know what to do about that.

    I mean, clearly the solution would be to cut characters. But to do that would be to surrender the goal I had of not completely changing the canon of the stories so returning readers could pick up A Violent Peace. And would require major rewrites to A Violent Peace, given that it was written with the previous canon to begin with.

    So … do I scupper the whole thing? This project is like a hydra – every problem I address spawns more. How much more do I want to wrestle with it? How much does it get mangled before it’s unrecognizable? Am I going to tie myself to this anchor and just keep on with it? Or do I cut it loose?

    I think … it’s probably the latter, isn’t it? It’s been eight months since I’ve written a word that wasn’t for D&D because of this weight around my neck. I even flubbed the journaling.

    “Sometimes, taking a leap forward means leaving a few things behind.”

    Maybe it’s time to do just that, Ekko.

    So … what’s next?

    If I’ve learned anything, it’s that making promises or exclamations in a random blog post aren’t worth a damn from me. Lately, I’ve been failing to find things to do – to find distractions that will keep me busy and off-track. For a long time this year, I was playing too much Warcraft, too much Baldur’s Gate and Deep Rock Galactic, over-prepping for D&D, all sorts of stuff. But, the sheen’s wearing off.

    When I’m not doing anything else, I end up writing.

    So. Let’s see what we end up working on, then.

  • Third Time’s the Charm

    Third Time’s the Charm

    I’m not a particularly spiritual person, but I can see the appeal of something like numerology. You can do a lot with numbers to fit them into a narrative. They’re malleable and also observable.

    Growing up playing Super Mario 64 and Zelda games, three’s always been a bit weighted in its appearances. Throw Bowser three times; collect three spiritual stones to unlock the Temple of Time; you’ve got three days before the moon crashes into Hyrule–good luck, kid.

    We like making three significant. We like to see Threes. Trilogies, acts, whatever.

    But this post isn’t about magic numbers or video games.

    Instead, it’s about my books.

    The Third Book

    That heading’s a bit ambiguous, isn’t it? I released Ebonskar as my third book, sure, but I was working on the third Red Watch book first. I finished Ebonskar before completing a draft of A Violent Peace, but the latter is the third book in its series. That’s the numerology coming back around.

    And, truth is, those two are only two-thirds of what I had in mind when writing that header.

    Let me explain.

    So, Ebonskar. That book really grabbed me when it did. There was no way for me to get around it. It was all I was thinking about at the time – my head didn’t have space enough for it and Red Watch 3 to linger in there. I had to get it out first.

    And I’m really proud of it. I’m not just being a salesman when I tell people I think it’s my best work yet. It’s a good book – it’s not perfect, but the people who’ve liked it loved it. (So far as I’ve heard, anyway.) With Ebonskar, I felt like I crossed a new threshold in my ability as a writer. I can see the difference in its quality and that of my earlier works.

    Which, has caused some turmoil. Namely, that I don’t feel right selling my first two books anymore.

    Flipping through the pages of A Tide of Bones or Legacy is more liable to make me cringe than not. There’s some good ideas and such in there, yes, but my inexperience really bogs them down and makes what good there is hard to appreciate, even as the author of the work. Truth is, I fumbled.

    It was a lot of work to write a book. I didn’t want it to be for nothing; I didn’t want it to be a fantasy. I’d wanted to write my whole life, and I had, so, why not sell it? Right? I got goaded and I goaded myself into releasing it.

    If I could go back, I’d tell myself to wait. I’d tell myself to keep writing and learning, and to come back to Tide someday. Which brings us to today.

    A Really Dumb and Necessary Plan

    I’m proud of A Violent Peace. I think the third Red Watch book has some good bones, and I’m excited to hear back from my beta readers. Problem is, I don’t know how I can sell it if I don’t feel right selling the two preceding books. I have to find some way to be happy with them again to sell the series at all.

    Good news, though: I’m this whole business. I can do something dumb, something semi-self-indulgent, something necessary for me and I’m only affecting myself.

    So, effective immediately, A Tide of Bones and Legacy are no longer available for sale. They’re off the market.

    Until I finish rewriting them.

    My plan is to redraft A Tide of Bones and its sequel and release them again this year. If all goes as I hope, there will only be a few months between each book, and A Violent Peace will still be available toward the end of the year.

    This is the announcement.

    Strap in, readers. It’s going to be one hell of a year.

  • Starfield

    Starfield

    Last summer, I bought a new PC just before the release of Baldur’s Gate 3. I can’t imagine how poorly my old rig would’ve handled that game, but it ran very well on my new machine and I couldn’t have been happier with it. A side benefit of this purchase was I received a code to gain a free month of Xbox Game Pass, and I thought, “Oh, neat. I can use this in September to try out Starfield!”

    Starfield’s early release window rolled around, and news began to break. It was divisive. People were tearing the game apart, people were cheering it on. This article boosted a sentiment from its fans saying the game really picked up 12 hours in. I avoided reading too much into any of this, content to wait and form my own opinion once I could play the game myself.

    Due to my usual weekly schedule, I didn’t check it out until the Thursday after it’s full release. I launched the game after work, I threw together my character, and I played for three hours before I decided it wasn’t working for me and I uninstalled the game.

    I chatted with a few friends, trying to parse out my exact feelings. I didn’t expect to bounce off of this game so hard, so completely. Oblivion and Skyrim are two of my favorite games ever; both utterly consumed my teenage years and early adulthood. While I never had the same fondness for Fallout 3 or 4, I still played and enjoyed them, though not nearly to the same extent as the Elder Scrolls games.

    I’ve thought about that experience a few times since. Frankly, I’m not sure if I can really make peace with it without writing about it, and, well, if I write about it, I might as well post it, eh? So, here’s what I’ve settled on as my reasons for bouncing off of the game: my own conclusions and some video essays for additional viewing.

    A Poorly Paced Introduction

    (Spoilers for the openings of several Bethesda games.)

    Bethesda’s gotten worse at opening their games as time has gone on.

    Now, I’ve only played from Oblivion forward, and it might just be that trajectory of experience that’s led me to that conclusion. Still, I think Oblivion’s got the best introduction of the five I’ve played. It does the least to muddle whatever thoughts you might want to bring to your character and gives you a great dungeon to explore within moments of its launch, which really shows off a major pillar of the game. Once it’s done, you have a quest, but it doesn’t feel like you need to sort that out and you can just go wherever you want. (I was one of the weirdos who enjoyed going through Oblivion gates, so I usually got to the point in the quest where they’d start opening up and then did whatever I was feeling like.)

    I think Skyrim takes second place despite there being another game between the two Elder Scrolls entries. Its major weakness is how long you’re waiting before you get to define anything about your character, watching the wagons trundle on down toward Helgen. Once you’ve got the character editor open, I think it’s super solid, but launching a fresh playthrough can feel like a slog if you don’t have a holdover save from the end of the wagon ride.

    Fallout 3 and 4 are some of the worst that Bethesda’s done. FO3 really drags with you playing through your character’s childhood in spurts, and it’s on firm rails. You can’t do anything about people coming at you with guns for the crime of being the child of your father at its end. Hbomberguy did an incredible takedown of the intro’s faults in this long essay from 8:30 to 15:50. (The whole video’s excellent.) And FO4 is that little bit punchier, but the game decides a lot about your character before you ever have a say – you’re married, you’ve got a kid, you’re from before the bombs dropped.

    To some degree, that’s a bit unavoidable. Bethesda wants to make games that let you feel like you can go anywhere, do anything, be anyone, but there’s inherent limitations with video games. Bethesda can’t let you start anywhere unless they drop a menu on you (and they’ve got more than enough of those already), and there’s no feasible way to make a hundred or a thousand different starting scenarios match up in their fidelity and playability and excitement. They’ve got to build this reverse-funnel, this narrow entry point that then opens up to the enormous berth of their games. (And on the point of menus to choose a starting point, there are literally mods for their games to create that functionality, because the people who play these games the most would rather have that option.)

    Starfield doesn’t fail in the same ways as its predecessors, but I’d call it the worst. You have these options in character creation that you can pick to really build an exciting history for your character. I think I’d chosen to be a bounty hunter, thinking it’d be a good all-round skill set for adventuring and exploring the galaxy and some traits I thought sounded interesting for that kind of hero. And the game starts with me … working in a mine? Like, I’m a good space pilot and a bounty hunter, but I’ve got to fire this laser on some iron for a bit while two NPCs chatter on and sound nothing like people as they do?

    It’s simultaneously long-in-the-tooth and too quick. You’re walking behind these slow NPCs until you touch the dumb rock and it drags on forever. It’s aggressively unexciting (outside of the dogfight–I liked the dogfight) and incoherent. You touched the rock those guys wanted and it knocked you our, now the stranger who flew a spaceship here is going to stay and … mine? Kill pirates if they keep showing up? Your boss is like, “I guess this is happening now. Bye.” Last paycheck in the mail? And then you’re in a (fun, though I died the first try) dogfight and it’s a menu button to fly to the moon that is right there like you can see it on the screen but you have to go into the menus–

    A Whole Lot of Loading

    I thought I’d get to fly in space.

    I know – technically, you do! When you’re in a dogfight. And I know, space is vast and mostly empty, but I’m not asking for a 1:1 scenario here. Let me zoom through the stars and discover derelict wrecks to explore; let me go from planet to planet; at least let me fly within a single star system. You feel more like you’re flying through space playing Mass Effect than Starfield, and in the former you’re just moving a tiny ship across ringed maps of different star systems. Hell, there are times where you have to hit a handful of loading screens to move from one region of a planet to another.

    Bethesda’s had fast travel in their games at least as long as I’ve been playing them. But before, you had to walk somewhere before you could teleport there. Now, it’s just teleporting, and that really, really took me out of the experience.

    Divergent Innovation

    I think it’s incorrect to say that Bethesda hasn’t iterated on their formula since Oblivion. There’s a lot of new features in their games that they’ve been building and improving with their other titles. Building settlements and outposts is a whole subsystem in these games, refine out, and with a mechanical benefit for engaging with them.

    Unfortunately, that’s the last thing I’m interested in when I play a Bethesda title. I’m not here to build a town, I want to go delve into caves; I want to have that awe-inspiring moment of finding Blackreach beneath Skyrim. Hell, maybe I would’ve been more invested in the system if it’d shown up in an Elder Scrolls game (that setting is just more my speed than Fallout), but I couldn’t say for sure. I certainly didn’t play Starfield long enough to engage with it there.

    For me, playing Starfield didn’t feel better than playing an earlier title from Bethesda. I think the combat’s more fluid and enjoyable in Skyrim than their newest release; their gunplay just doesn’t hold up to what I expect from the industry anymore. I’m not excited to shoot the guns in Starfield when I can launch RoboQuest or Deep Rock Galactic or the original Halo game and feel like I’m having a better FPS experience.

    Bethesda Shouldn’t Get a Free Pass

    People loved Bethesda games; I loved Bethesda games. They were once one of the best developers, pushing the cutting edge of the tech, making the biggest worlds we’d ever seen. All that nostalgia bought them a lot of leeway these last few years. Fallout 76 hoodwinked thousands of players, both underdelivering with a buggy, misfired mess of a game, and also shipping out a bag with the collector’s deluxe edition that was not even nearly what they’d advertised. People were on the edge of their seats, waiting for Starfield to be the next must play game from the studio that defined their childhoods.

    But we didn’t get it. We got another janky mess that didn’t deliver on the hype the studio kept promising.

    That’s just not good enough anymore. Bethesda used to make the best games we’d ever played. Now, they make games I wouldn’t want to play for free.

    And Thanks for all the Fish

    So that’s where it all landed for me. If you’d like to see more, here’s a video from NakeyJakey and another from Girlfriend Reviews about their experiences with the game. Here’s hoping that Bethesda can right the ship, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

    As always, thank you for reading. Good luck out there, space cowboy.

  • Ben Recommends: JetLag the Game

    Ben Recommends: JetLag the Game

    So much of the media I enjoyed last year got saved up for my Year in Review post in December. I haven’t actually had a standalone Ben Recommends post since the first, when I talked about the then-finishing Dimension 20 series. That’s in part because there’s some properties I think work better in that retrospective post rather than on their own. I think these standalone posts are more fit for long-form content or stocked libraries – stuff like series, specific creator channels, podcasts, etc. Which, brings us to today.

    Late last year, I got introduced to Jet Lag: The Game through a livestream. I found the crew compelling and got hooked, catching up on many of their earlier “seasons” while watching their weekly uploads on the season they were airing then, their second race across Europe. And now, with the wrap up to a race from the United States’ northernmost point to its furthest point south, I wanted to give them a shout out and maybe find them some more fans.

    What is it?

    Jet Lag: The Game is a game show/travel vlog show where three or four players compete, with various harebrained challenges to earn methods of travel or other victory conditions. In their races across Europe, they needed to complete their challenges to earn currency that could be used to buy rides on trains, planes, or automobiles (paid for in minutes spent traveling based on the method’s speed). In a game of Capture the Flag in Japan, they had to do challenges both to use the country’s public transportation and acquire powerful defensive options to delay their opponents.

    What do I like about it?

    There’s a ton to like about the show; you get to see fantastic vistas and learn about the countries they visit; the crew and their guests are fantastic hosts and storytellers. There’s so many gags and gaffes that will bring the laughs, and it’s easy to get invested in a team or player’s progress through their season.

    How does it compare to similar shows?

    I’ve never seen The Amazing Race myself, but I imagine they’re pretty similar with Jet Lag having a continuity in its players that can be either better or worse depending on one’s taste. They still mix things up with a guest when the games call for equal teams, but if you don’t like the boys there’s no getting around it.

    So that’s Jet Lag: The Game. It’s been a blast to watch the show and I’m looking forward to the next season! They upload episodes one week early on Nebula, but it’s available free on YouTube. If you end up checking it out, I’d love to know!

    As always, thank you for reading.

  • January 2024 Irregular Update

    January 2024 Irregular Update

    Happy New Year, everyone! Been a while since the last one of these, so here we are again. Read on for updates on Red Watch 3, the blog, and more!

    Did you finish the draft of Red Watch 3?

    No. Not yet. I hit a bit of a wall that seemed bigger than it was. Coming into the new year, I picked up a new habit (more on that later) that helped me work through it. I’m making steady progress again, working on the penultimate or final chapters of each storyline in the book to be followed up by the epilogues. It’s the biggest ones left, but I’m optimistic about completing the draft by winter’s end.

    Still unsettled on a title. I have a short list of some ideas for one, but I haven’t been enamored with any of them yet. As a peek behind the curtain, the front-runners right now are A Violent Peace and A Merciless Union.

    One more thing for Red Watch: in the upcoming months I’ll share something big here on the blog. It’s something I’ve been considering for a long time and once the draft for book 3 is done, it’s my next project. You’ll know more about it in a few months.

    Latest on the Blog?

    So, middle of last year, I started missing dates for my goal of two posts per month. I still mostly got one out each month, but inconsistently. One month I’d drop one a few days in, the next one it was on the last week. A handful of factors played into that.

    The first: when I hit my wall on RW3, I ended up hardly writing anything. I was expecting I’d get disrupted by some of my hobbies in the back half of the last year (Baldur’s Gate 3), but I didn’t expect it to the degree to which it happened. And I’m not blaming BG3 – when it came out, it was all I was interested in spending my time on. That isn’t a fault in the game (probably a credit to it, really). It just coincided with a time when I also had few enticing ideas for blog posts.

    I had drafted a couple posts, even, but I wasn’t satisfied with them afterward. I had one cooking about Starfield – mostly outlining my disappointment and a growing frustration with customers who wanted to say that the jank was fine because Bethesda used to make good games. I had another about Warcraft, but I ended up disagreeing with my own thesis less than a week after drafting it. (It was written on the week 10.1 dropped, when we had the next zone available, but not the raid or mythic+ season. At the time, I was unenthused with the prospect of spending another patch pugging dungeons for all my progression, but my friends and I joined a guild and started having a lot more fun again. Playing an MMO with a community works, who would’ve guessed?)

    There’s a weird problem with the blog. I like to write on a topic when I feel like I have something to say about it, but oftentimes, it seems what I would say has been said already – in a reddit post, in a video essay, in an article. If I don’t feel like I’m adding to the conversation, I wonder what the point of the post even is. Sometimes it’s worthwhile – with the political posts, those are battles we keep having to fight.

    When it comes to Starfield? What’s one more nerd’s article about his disappointment good for? Do I really need to write a post about how weird it is that the fourth Indiana Jones movie got so much criticism when the movies all seem to be full of shlocky bullshit? Is that something I want to go to bat for?

    The final factor: I spent much of the year running a Pathfinder game. As I discussed in my blog post on the system, it’s really solidly built. (Awesome for some, didn’t work out for me.) One of D&D’s flaws is the holes in its system that I had to fill in over the years with homebrew solutions. The latter (while worse as far as a professionally designed product goes) (especially one released by one of the biggest companies in the world) provided more opportunities to find problems to solve, solutions to work out. Thoughts that might be worth sharing with others.

    Anyway. I’d like to get back to two posts per month. I just need to figure out what I want to write about – what kind of things you might want to read about. Hell, maybe you’ll see a post very much like those above-mentioned abandoned drafts.

    What else is going on?

    Earlier, I mentioned I picked up a new habit. At the suggestion of my younger brother and following the example of my older brother, I started journaling during the last week of December. (I believe all successful New Year’s Resolutions begin before the new year does.)

    I’ve journaled before – usually to vent or when I couldn’t sleep. Now, I’m doing it habitually. No matter how inane or uninteresting my day is, I write about it. (And I work from home, so my days can be really uninteresting.) I journal about my thoughts, my plans for the day, where I am with my writing. It’s helped; a lot. I’m fully bought in. I’ve got two more journals waiting in the wings.

    Otherwise, I’ve slammed through some books since Christmas. I read Murderbot #3-7 (Martha Wells) and the Sunlit Man (Brandon Sanderson) in these last three weeks. I’ve locked up one full, uninterrupted hour to read every day when I finish my shift at work.

    I’ve been looking at the Blades in the Dark TTRPG, and I’m planning to start running it with my table in a few weeks. Really excited about the system. It’s hard to like Hasbro / WOTC right now, so I kind of just don’t. Makes it even more enticing to give it a run.

    Think that’s about it! I’m taking the risk to say I’m pretty optimistic for this year. I think it’ll be a good one. As always, thank you for reading. Good luck this year, y’all.

  • 2023: Year In Review

    2023: Year In Review

    In 2022, it wasn’t until September that I’d decided to make a retrospective post about the media I’d enjoyed that year. This time, I had it in mind from the start, and I jotted down little notes throughout about what I wanted to include. I’ve had some of the below on the list as far back as February (and my friends and family will recognize them, since I’ve talked them up all year long). As before, I’ll avoid spoilers as much as I can. Let’s get to it!

    Books

    As last year, I didn’t read as much as I’d hoped. I’ve played maybe a few too many hours of video games, watched a few too many episodes of TV shows or movies. I’m still figuring out how I want to sketch out my daily routine with my new job, but I’ll get there. Regardless, there were still several books the absolutely ensnared me and that I want to maybe draw more eyes toward.

    The Fires of Vengeance by Evan Winter

    I don’t really have a whole lot to say here; I liked this book just as much as I did the first and I’m excited to see more from Evan Winter. I think this could be one of those series that becomes mainstream as it gets more and more entries. With how much I’ve enjoyed this series so far, I’d hate to be wrong.

    Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson

    It’s been an amazing year for Sanderson, there’s no doubt about that. Perhaps the only people coming out ahead of him are his fans, receiving five books of his this year – myself included. I was unemployed when the kickstarter for his Four Secret Projects launched and I still made an incredibly silly financial decision and backed him. I’ve only read the first two of those releases thus far, and between them and The Lost Metal, Tress is my certain favorite.

    I think something that really worked here was the perspective of the book – most Sanderson stories I’ve read are in third person, bouncing perspectives on chapter changes or on scene breaks when things are kicking off, and I think the consistent voice really enhanced this book.

    Between my love for this and Scott Lynch’s Red Seas Under Red Skies, maybe I’m just a big fan of fantasy pirate books.

    Between Two Fires by Christopher Buehlman

    This is probably the best book I read all year, but it’s one I hesitate to recommend. It is a hard read. Horrible things happen to these characters, but then, of course they do – it’s a dark fantasy story set in France during the Black Plague, and Buehlman really makes it easy to feel the suffering of our tiny band of characters. He does not shy away from the horror of our history, and it is made much worse by the supernatural.

    Children of Time & Ruin by Adrian Tchaikovsky

    I wonder if I’m going to end up having an “off-the-wall weird” sci-fi rec each year. In this book, a scientist, Avrana Kern, wants to make a garden world for humanity to eventually settle. A utopia with genetically-engineered servitors and an impeccable biosphere, an Eden amidst the stars. Unfortunately, a saboteur tries to utterly upend her goal, killing the monkeys she intended to see the planet with, but rather than admit defeat, she launches her nanovirus anyway and it infects a surprising host … we witness some of their development over the course of hundreds of years, then a wave of humans eventually comes to settle the garden world, discovering things are so much different than they expected.

    And – wouldn’t you know it, this duology won a best series Hugo award this year! I was ahead of the game this time.

    Movies

    I saw as many new movies at home as I did in theaters this year – which is to say, I didn’t see that many movies. It isn’t that I don’t like movies, I love film, but going to the theater has become unbearably expensive and when I’m home, I usually gravitate toward games or shorter-form media instead. Despite all that, I saw a few movies that really mattered to me this year.

    Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

    I had a lot of fun seeing this movie and I’d love to see this gang of adventurers again someday – another heist, a dungeon crawl, whatever. We’ll see if anything comes of that. Hasbro continues to prove itself a poor parent company with layoffs right before Christmas this year despite D&D having a banner year all around (more on that later).

    Oppenheimer

    This is the first biopic I’ve ever seen. I wanted to give it a shot because I’ve been enjoyed every Christopher Nolan film I’ve seen and I was interested in the subject. I loved it. I don’t know when on earth I’ll find time to watch it again, but I know that I want to. The use of color and black-and-white presentation really blew me away when I discovered the reason for it.

    Puss in Boots: the Last Wish

    This movie released last December and I kept hearing praise for it all over the place. On a whim, once it showed up on Amazon, I rented it and it still blew me away with how fantastic it was. It’s an animated movie that treats its audience, kids and adults both, with respect. It’s incredibly stylish with crisp and beautiful animation. It was the first thing to be thrown onto my list for this blog post this year – hell, I saw it about a week before I started really getting back into writing, so maybe it was just straight-up inspirational for me.

    Music

    I didn’t include music on my list last year because I am perpetually behind on music and my tastes haven’t changed much from my teenage years. Luckily, they didn’t need to.

    This is Why from Paramore dominated my listening for several weeks when it dropped back in February. I had the album on endless repeat, especially Running Out of Time and You First. I’ve also been obsessed with The Adults Are Talking from the Strokes’ The New Abnormal since I heard it this summer. (Which, yes, is from 2020. As I said, perpetually behind.)

    Video Games

    It’s probably because they dominate most of my time as my primary hobby, but this feels like the real meat-and-potatoes of the post to me. Maybe I just trust my opinions about video games more than I do anything else since I’ve been playing them as long as I can remember. Regardless, here’s some of the highlights of my year and anyone who knows me will already know what my game of the year is.

    Core Keeper

    Survival games are hit-or-miss for me. If it finds me in the right mood, or it’s got a good story or good RPG elements, I can get hooked. But it can also have both of those things and just still fail to grab me. Core Keeper was a hit, right on target. It’s got a full release planned for next year, and I played the hell out of it for a few weeks this summer. My friends and I enjoyed it immensely, getting all the way to the hard edge of the progression curve right before their big biome update a few months ago. I’m glad to know there’s new stuff waiting for me whenever I get back into it. (And I will!)

    God of War: Valhalla

    It feels like Santa Monica Studio made an excellent little bonus game mode they could’ve sold for like $20 and they handed it out for free. It’s an excellent epilogue for Ragnarok, and it is what I’m going to get back to playing the moment I finish drafting this post (hopefully I’ll be done with its story when this goes up).

    Roboquest

    Roguelites put their gameplay front-and-center – if that doesn’t work, the whole game fails. They must be fun to play. And Roboquest is a freakin’ blast. The gunplay here is so immaculate and satisfying (I really love the comic-book style sound effects that pop up right next to your guns) that it’s a blast to play through. And it’s got 2-player co-op! Grab your best brobot and run-and-gun to your mechanical heart’s content! You will not regret it.

    My Game of the Year: Baldur’s Gate 3

    If I still had the time on my hands like I did when I was a teenager slamming through Dragon Age: Origins runs, I’d probably have six completed playthroughs by now. I’ve yet to make good on my goal to get all of the achievements (a few of them are contingent on a co-op run I have in Act 3 that my friend and I haven’t gotten back to yet), but it’s still my plan to do it. Even that new one for an Honor Mode completion. I can’t wait to see what Larian does next (and I really appreciate the post-release support. That reunion party was exactly what I wanted when I finished the game the first time).

    Well, there we have it. Farewell, 2023. As always, thank you for reading. Here’s to many new stories and adventures in 2024. Happy New Year, everyone.

  • Revisiting Mass Effect

    Revisiting Mass Effect

    Some of the most artistically influential and significant games I’ve played in my life were developed by BioWare. I latched onto the series for much of my teenage years; I couldn’t tell you how many times I played Dragon Age: Origins throughout high school: seeing each origin, building my perfect world state to import into the sequel, finding obscure conditional options. I loved the game so much I decided to check out BioWare’s other series and got myself a copy of Mass Effect. (Spoilers follow.)

    Amazingly, I latched onto it just as hard as I had Dragon Age. Harder, perhaps. I tore through Mass Effect, playing every night to explore the galaxy BioWare made. On my first run of the game I hadn’t completed Wrex’s personal quest before Virmire and failed to have the points to successfully persuade him to calm down, but I was so attached to his character that I loaded an earlier save before I’d spent my most recent level up and managed the check. It legitimately infuriated me when Ashley shot him in the back the first time. I immediately launched into New Game+ once I’d finished the campaign and went out of my way to do everything on the next run.

    By the time that was all done, I learned Mass Effect 2 had been out for well over a month already and managed to pick a copy up when my birthday came around. I’d fallen in love with the first game because of its setting and narrative; Mass Effect 2 brought the game into modernity with vastly improved gameplay and ensnared me even further. I survived the so-called Suicide Mission without a single casualty on my first run. I played Overlord when it released. I blew up the Batarian Alpha Relay in Arrival and waited very impatiently for the trilogy’s end to arrive.

    I took two days off of work for its release and binged through the game. I played hours of the multiplayer, beyond what was required for my Galactic Readiness to be maxed out, I felt mist in my eyes as Mordin rode the elevator on Tuchanka. I froze, wondering if I’d be able to broker a peace between the Geth and the Quarians at the end of Rannoch. The game was incredible, and I was riding high on the wave of that experience as I charged toward the beam that would let me access the citadel and use our superweapon to exterminate the Reapers and save the galaxy.

    And I, like many others, felt like the ending slapped me in the face. I felt burned for being so invested in everything that had happened up to that point. Everything I’d done came down to a trinary choice that did not feel adequate in the least. I could either pursue what the villain of the first game wanted (violating every galactic citizen’s bodily autonomy in the process), pursue the Illusive Man’s goal (with an undercurrent of “this might not work forever”), or commit a genocide not just of my enemy, but also one of my allied species and sideswipe slay a member of my own damn crew. I stood there in disbelief for a handful of moments, then grimaced as I did what I’d been sent there to do: Destroy the Reapers.

    I found I was not alone in my upset. I scrolled through dozens of threads on Reddit in the following days. Criticism was not hard to find. Theories decrying the ending as a hallucination felt more acceptable than what had been served. I returned to replay the final moments when BioWare released their Extended Cut of the ending, and still left dissatisfied. So badly had I felt burned by the ending that I did not buy any DLC for Mass Effect 3 or play the campaign again. (That multiplayer rocked though, I played it a few more times.)

    This year, I purchased the Legendary Edition during the steam sale for $15, which combines the trilogy into a single platform with updated graphics (and gameplay for the original). I hadn’t played these games in over a decade (I’d originally owned them on an Xbox 360 and hadn’t repurchased them on PC at any point, so I hadn’t even had the ability for perhaps six years).

    For a few weeks during the summer, I was consumed by them once again. Every evening when I got off work, I launched into Mass Effect. These games were just as incredible now as they were before, but all the while, I wondered if the other shoe would land as harshly as it had before. I reached the third game and reveled in how unbelievably well they managed to make it, dreading the moment I would reach the end and wondering if I would be angry about it all over again.

    It was near the end of the game that I played Mass Effect 3’s DLCs for the first time. I retook Omega just before Priority: Thessia, I discovered the truth of the Leviathan just before exposing Sanctuary and Cerberus’s activities there, and completed the Citadel just before launching the assault on the Illusive Man’s base. After these missions, when I finally reached the end of the game, I discovered that my anger about the ending had materially changed.

    In 2012, when I spoke to the Catalyst and was given my three decisions for how to irrevocably change the galaxy, I hated its existence as a writing device. It felt like the voice of the author had come down to tell me how it ended, and I couldn’t have been more frustrated. Now, in 2023, after Leviathan and the Citadel, I only disliked the personified Catalyst as a character. I thought it to be fallible now, and not a voice of omnipotent knowledge. I knew now that it had been created by the race that it turned into the Reapers and it had a flawed understanding of the galaxy. It thought war between organic and synthetic life was an irrefutable fact, when I had already brokered peace between the Geth and Quarians and they were working together to resettle Rannoch. I had seen an AI and a human man fall in love with one another. I knew it was just a dumb machine rather than an authority, and I blew the Reapers to hell once again.

    The Catalyst didn’t know the galaxy half as well as it thought it did. For it, the status quo of galactic extinction every 50,000 years was an acceptable outcome. Whatever it thinks isn’t worth a damn. It’s probably wrong about the Geth and EDI being destroyed anyway, or it’s lying because it wants to save its toys.

    These games were some of the most influential and significant games of my life. It’s incredible to have found a way to enjoy and love them again, whether my interpretation of the ending is supported by canon or not. As always, thank you for reading. I should go.